Raising inter-Racial Children: Lessons in Identity and Belonging
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
On Monday, as I was driving my kids to their first day back to school, I felt a nudge in my spirit to write about something deeply personal: raising inter-racial children. Watching them hop out of the car with their backpacks and bright smiles reminded me that their journey is more than just academics, it’s about learning who they are, where they belong, and how they will grow into who God has created them to be.
The Joys and Challenges of Raising inter-racial Kids
Parenting is already a sacred responsibility, but when raising children in interracial or intercultural families, there are unique joys and challenges. Every detail—what we name our children, the languages they hear at home, the traditions we pass down, even how we care for their hair—becomes part of shaping their identity and sense of belonging.
For example, names often carry history. Choosing a name that reflects both sides of a child’s heritage can honor their story and give them a rootedness that affirms who they are. My wife and I experienced this firsthand when we chose a Gaelic name for one of our children. More than once, people questioned us—“Why a Gaelic name if neither of you are Gaelic?” What they didn’t see was that the name carried a deep personal meaning for us, one that spoke to values we wanted our child to carry. Sometimes, raising inter-racial children means explaining your choices to others who may not fully understand. And that’s okay—because ultimately, their name is part of their story, not anyone else’s.
Similarly, language is more than words—it’s connection. Teaching our kids even basic phrases from both cultural backgrounds helps them feel tied to grandparents, cousins, and communities they might not see every day.
And then there are the little things that matter more than outsiders may realize. For many families, hair care becomes a bonding activity and a way to affirm cultural pride. I remember when my wife had to learn about the texture number system for our daughter’s hair. Suddenly, terms like “3C” or “4A” weren’t just abstract—they were vital to understanding how to care for her curls with love and intentionality. What seemed overwhelming at first became another way to affirm her beauty and heritage. Moments like these remind us that raising inter-racial children requires humility, learning, and a willingness to honor both sides of their story.
Celebrating holidays from both sides of the family tree also ensures kids know they don’t have to choose one culture over another and that they can carry both with dignity. It might look like observing Thanksgiving with one side of the family while also honoring cultural or traditional holidays from the other side, such as Lunar New Year, or Three Kings Day. These moments teach children that both heritages are worth honoring and that their identity isn’t divided but rather it’s enriched. Creating space at the table for multiple traditions gives them the freedom to embrace the “both/and” of who they are, rather than feeling pressured into an “either/or.”
Lessons in Identity & Belonging
Of course, there are challenges. inter-racial children sometimes wrestle with questions of “Am I enough?” or “Where do I fit in?” As parents, we can’t shield them from every difficult moment, but we can create a safe home where they learn that their full identity is not defined by others—it is anchored in Christ.
We live in Ross, Ohio, which I have heard and experienced many times is not a place where racial diversity is what people pride themselves on. My kids have often been the few “other” in their friend groups. In many ways, it makes sense to seek out spaces where students look like my kids, it feels safer, easier, and more affirming. But my wife and I had to ask ourselves: what lessons would that teach our bridgebuilding kids if we only stay in places that make us comfortable? San Diego was a beautiful place for us in many ways, especially racially, but here in Ohio we are challenged to see the opportunity differently. This is a place where we can all strive to be amazing disciples of Jesus and actively build bridges across cultures, even when it’s not convenient.
As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” When we raise our children to know that their ultimate belonging is in God’s family, we give them a foundation stronger than cultural divisions. Raising inter-racial children is not just about survival, it’s about discipleship. Our kids have the opportunity to become bridgebuilders in a divided world. They are uniquely positioned to see from multiple perspectives, to celebrate differences, and to embody a kingdom-minded vision where every tribe, tongue, and nation has a place at the table.
Practical Lessons for Parents of Inter-Racial Kids
Raising children who carry more than one culture is a sacred opportunity—and it takes both wisdom and intentionality. Here are a few lessons, rooted in both Scripture and lived experience, that can guide us as parents:
1. Speak Words of Identity Daily
In Matthew 3:17, God affirms Jesus by saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Our kids need to hear the same from us. Remind your children often who they are in Christ and affirm the beauty of their cultural heritage. Simple daily phrases like, “God made you wonderfully,” or, “I love your curls, your name, your story,” go a long way.
2. Teach Them Their Heritage
God commanded Israel to “remember” their story and pass it on to their children (Deuteronomy 6:6–7). Share stories from both sides of the family, cook traditional meals together, teach them songs, and celebrate cultural holidays. This helps them see both sides of their heritage as a gift.
3. Equip Them for Tough Conversations
1 Peter 3:15 encourages believers to be ready to give an answer with gentleness and respect. Prepare your kids for questions or comments they may face about their appearance, names, or family background. Role-play responses so they feel confident and not caught off guard.
4. Model Bridgebuilding in Your Own Friendships
Jesus crossed cultural lines in His ministry—from Samaritans to Romans—showing that the gospel is for all. Let your kids see you building friendships across racial and cultural lines. When they see you inviting diversity into your circle, they learn to do the same.
5. Create a Spiritual Foundation First
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Teach them that their ultimate identity is not just Black, White, Asian, Latino, or a mix—it’s as children of God. Root them in prayer, worship, and Scripture so they learn that their worth is found in Christ above all else.
6. Embrace the Learning Curve as Parents
James 1:5 promises wisdom to those who ask for it. Be humble enough to learn new things, whether it’s understanding hair textures, learning phrases in another language, or reading books on racial identity. Let your kids see you as a learner too.
Practical Lessons for Interracial and Bicultural Kids
This is for my brothers and sister who grew up as an inter-racial child. Growing up with more than one culture is a gift, but it can also feel complicated at times. Here are some lessons, both biblical and practical, that can help you walk confidently in who you are:
1. Your Identity in Christ Comes First
Galatians 3:28 reminds us, “There is neither Jew nor Greek… for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Remember that before anyone labels you, God calls you His child. That’s the strongest foundation you can stand on.
2. Celebrate the Gift of Your Cultures
Revelation 7:9 describes a vision of heaven with “every nation, tribe, people, and language” represented before God’s throne. Don’t hide parts of who you are. Celebrate them. Enjoy foods, music, traditions, and stories from both sides of your family. They make you unique and valuable.
3. Learn How to Answer Tough Questions with Grace
Proverbs 15:1 teaches, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” People may ask, “What are you?” or make comments about your name, your hair, or your family. There may be lots of microaggressive statements coming your way. Learn to respond with confidence and kindness by educating, sometimes with humor, and sometimes by walking away; either, you will be teaching people a lesson.
4. Embrace Being a Bridgebuilder
Matthew 5:9 says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Because you understand more than one culture, you can help connect people who might not understand each other. Use your perspective to bring peace, not division.
5. Find Safe People Who Get You
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us that “two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Look for friends, mentors, or groups where you feel understood and celebrated. You don’t have to carry the journey of identity alone.
6. Take Pride in How God Made You
Psalm 139:14 declares, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Whether it’s your skin tone, your curls, your accent, or your name—own it. These aren’t random features; they’re intentional design choices by a loving Creator.
Closing Reflection
As I think back to Monday’s school drop-off, I whispered a prayer over my kids: Lord, help them to walk boldly in who You created them to be. May they carry their cultures as a gift, and may they be a light that brings people together instead of apart.
Raising inter-racial children is a journey of grace, learning, and joy. And in God’s hands, it is a journey that can shape the next generation of peacemakers, bridgebuilders, and kingdom-minded leaders. I hope you can pray similar prayers over your kids (interracial or not).
If you’re raising inter-racial kids, or you are an interracial kid yourself, you’re not alone. Each family’s journey is unique, but together we can learn from one another. What are the practices, traditions, or lessons that have helped your children embrace both sides of their identity? What tips do you have for nurturing belonging in a world that often pressures kids to “choose one side”?
We’d love to hear your stories/thoughts. Comment below and share your thoughts and experiences with other parents.